Bristol Goes for Gold
The Grim Reaper
No. 14 in a never-ending series. Autumn 1995
Twenty years ago we weren't even in the running for a consolation prize. Bristol was a parochial backwater then. Haven't times changed? After years of competing we have gradually grown from strength to strength, pushing other cities aside as we set our sights on the number one prize. At times we came under pressure from Birmingham, Manchester and even Edinburgh, but now we've beaten them all. This August, it was announced by The Observer newspaper that we've finally taken that coveted first place, equal only to the capital itself.
This is a truly great achievement that all of Bristol can be proud of. The Grim Reaper particularly commends Avon County Council, who have invested huge amounts of money to put us on a winning footing. Without their foresight in constructing gigantic urban highways, out of town shopping centres and green field housing estates, this sweet victory could never have been ours. Thanks are also due to Bristol City Council, who accepted the winning strategy of fence sitting, taking care never to upset the apple cart and threaten our winning streak. Congratulations are also due to the people of Bristol, who took to their cares at every opportunity, however long the traffic jam.
This has been a great team effort, involving much sacrifice to achieve our new position. Many of us have us have given hours of our time sitting in traffic jams to guarantee victory. One in four children in the city centre have developed asthma and older people have stayed indoors to prevent their chest and heart problems from getting worse.
But it has all been worthwhile, because Bristol is now the number one city in Britain for pollution. We had the highest levels of nitrogen dioxide nationally in July, equal only to the Cromwell Road in London. I'm sure that with a bit more effort next year we can soundly beat London into second place, making Bristol the unchallenged pollution capital of Britain.
The Grim Reaper
